Why Your Young Adult Child is 'Stuck' (and How to Support Them Without Taking Over)

The transition from adolescence into adulthood is rarely a smooth path—and for many young people today, it feels more like trying to climb a mountain in the dark. If your young adult child seems lost, unmotivated, or unable to move forward, you’re not alone. Many parents find themselves watching from the sidelines, worried and unsure how to help without stepping in too far.

The Complex Transition to Adulthood

Becoming an adult in today’s world is more complicated than ever. Young people are navigating a landscape full of pressure and uncertainty:

• Rising living costs and housing affordability make independence feel out of reach.
• Educational demands and the need for qualifications can feel overwhelming.
• Social expectations—to expand their friendship groups, maintain connections, and form romantic relationships—can bring anxiety and self-doubt.
• Online comparison with peers often fuels the feeling that they’re falling behind.

It’s a lot to manage—and for many young people, there’s more beneath the surface.

When the Past Comes With Them

As psychologists, we often see that young adults who feel stuck are not lazy or unmotivated—they are carrying the legacy of their childhood. Unresolved or undiagnosed challenges from earlier life can linger into adulthood and quietly shape a young person’s sense of identity, confidence, and capacity for independence.

These can include:

• Undiagnosed mental health conditions, such as anxiety, depression, or learning difficulties
• Late-diagnosed neurodevelopmental disorders, such as ADHD or autism
• Family difficulties, including parental separation, ongoing conflict, or instability
• Trauma, such as abuse, neglect, or the loss or estrangement of a parent

Even when things seem "better" now, these past experiences may still affect how a young person copes with stress, makes decisions, or sees their place in the world. The weight of these unresolved experiences can quietly erode self-esteem and make the future feel like too much.

How You Can Help Without Taking Over

As a parent or caregiver, it’s natural to want to fix things. But the most powerful support often starts with simply being present, without judgment or expectation.

Here are some gentle ways you can help:

• Listen first, problem-solve later. Give them space to talk about how they’re feeling without rushing to give advice or solutions. Feeling heard is healing in itself.
• Avoid defensiveness. It can be hard to hear your child speak about the past or things they’re struggling with—but try not to take it personally. Their experiences aren’t a blame game; they’re part of their story.
• Offer options, not instructions. Suggest helpful supports—such as seeing a GP, psychologist, or undergoing an assessment—without pressure. Some young people benefit from an assessment that considers their earlier life experiences and explores possible undiagnosed conditions that may be impacting them now.
• Remind them there’s no race. Life isn’t a straight path, and success doesn’t follow a timetable. Many young people feel stuck at some point—and that’s okay.
• Encourage small steps. Trying something is better than staying frozen. Whether it’s a short course, a part-time job, or volunteering, action creates momentum. There are no wrong moves—just opportunities to learn.

And perhaps most importantly: resist the urge to take over.
As hard as it can be to watch your child struggle or make mistakes, the very task of young adulthood is to learn how to make decisions, try things out, and build confidence through experience. When we step in too much, we can unintentionally send the message that they’re not capable—or rob them of the opportunity to discover that they are.

Final Thoughts

It’s not easy to watch your child struggle. But your belief in them, even when they don’t believe in themselves, can be a powerful force. Supporting them with patience, empathy, and gentle encouragement can help them take steps toward their future—at their own pace, and in their own way.